This is the second part of an answer to the question about the concerns and discomfort of talking to one’s ageing parents about their declining health and plans for the future. Please see my column in the previous issue of the RiverCurrent News for part one.

Last week I wrote about some of the questions we might have for ourselves and what questions we might be asking our parents. It is good to think of many different possible circumstances to ask about in the conversations you have. For instance: “What if you couldn’t clean the house, what would you like to have happen?” All the way to: “What if your physical impairments were such that you were not safe living alone, what would you want me to do?”

Besides the concerns regarding forgetting medications and dietary changes, I would be looking at behavior changes such as noticeable change in willing to socialize, poor grooming, poor driving or generally increased difficulty with memory. Some of these changes can be a result of hearing or vision impairment and should be addressed by their medical provider. If you notice piles of unopened mail, this may indicate that bills are not being paid.

Ideally with your parents, begin researching options to consider. There are many services available to people living at home ranging from gardeners to visiting nurses. There are also many levels of care available. The more you and your parents know, the better able you will be to make good decisions before there is a crisis. Elder care advisors can be very helpful with up to date information and sometimes work free of charge.

Coming to terms with ageing and the loss of independence is very difficult for everyone. I hope that we all remember this and be gentle with ourselves and our loved ones. Again, it is important to listen to our parents’ wishes and assume, whenever possible, they will decide on what is in their best interests. We may not agree with their ideas but we all have the right to change our minds later!

Visit www.BurnsCounseling.com for more information.